If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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