I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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