Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
