I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
