a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
