He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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