I must be too annoying 4 u.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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