very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize