After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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