I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
