i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
