Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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