am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
