it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
