What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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