I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
