I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
