I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
