My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
