That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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