I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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