East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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