This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
