He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
