Umm I'm too high to move.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
