Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
