Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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