If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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