I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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