I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
