I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
