I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
