I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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