So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize