i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
