My hand turned me down
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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