whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
