i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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