I am spending my child support on dildos
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
