btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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