omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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