i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Text me some of your sweat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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