I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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