i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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