No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
