I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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