Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
