like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
