He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
