I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
