I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am available for nakedness
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how does that bad decision feel?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
