i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.