Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.