you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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