And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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