My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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