I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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