so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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