are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
