we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
