so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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