Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
