can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
